I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
