RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
