dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
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I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
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You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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