I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.