I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.