I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day