I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
