Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
