you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
