Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We are two peas in an std pod
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
