id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
