i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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