YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
