Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
