dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
