the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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