If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize