if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you win again, gameday.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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