I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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