just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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