My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
