you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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