can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
