Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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