Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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