Farmville is her only friend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
