Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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