apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
