Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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