Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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