uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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