I'm jealous of your bromance
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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