you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
