My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
