By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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