I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
