Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
