his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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