Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
