I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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