she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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