is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
