remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just puked most of my soul out..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
