the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
