So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
