Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
