Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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