I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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