not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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