You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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