I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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