dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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