just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
