I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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