Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
