i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
