please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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