dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
