her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
