alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
