im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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