Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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